CinderFurete
by marmaroth
Summary: The most screwed-up fairytale you've ever read, starring Akatsukikandafangirl's OC Furete as Cinderella and Belphegor as Prince Charming. BelxOC, dedicated to AKF OBVIOUSLY , rated for language. Pen name formerly nagashinokuro


_**XxCinder~FuretexX**_

_._

_a oneshot_

_._

_-by N A G A S H I . N O . K U R O-_

.

_dedicated to_

_~AKATSUKIKANDAFANGIRL~_

_

* * *

_

_Once upon a time, in a land far, far--or, actually, not so far away, because it was an alternate universe and alternate universes can always be found by using malfunctioning Ten-Year-Bazookas, although there is never any guarantee exactly WHICH alternate universe you will find yourself in. For example, you might even end up in a world where Squalo wears his hair in pretty braids with ribbons and Hibari confesses his undying love to Lambo! GHASP!_

_...so ANYWAY. In a land not-so-far-away but not-so-close-by either, there was a country called Varia. This country was ruled by an old man referred to only as the Ninth, because he was the ninth king to rule and because the people there were unoriginal. Until, one fateful day, the Ninth died and his eldest son, **Xanxus**, ascended the throne..._

"HELL YEAH, IN YOUR FACE BITCHES!! I'M THE FUCKING TENTH!!"

_...while his younger son, **Tsunayoshi**, was ignored and disappeared off the face of the Earth because of his irrelevance._

--

_Now, in the country of Varia there also lived a beautiful and very kindhearted girl named **Furete**._

"Shut the hell up you stupid narrator."

_She was born into a relatively wealthy family but suffered misfortune as a young girl, for her mother died soon after she was born and her father took a new wife. This new woman was just as cruel to poor Furete as she was sweet and simpering to Furete's father._

"Furete, come help me cook dinner."

"Hell no."

_This woman, **Bianchi**, also had had a previous husband named **Romeo**, who died under mysterious circumstances after their marriage, and from their short and tragic marriage she had two daughters, who were just as cruel to their new stepsister as their mother was._

"Hahi! I'm Haru desu~ Nice to meet you, Furete-chan!" Haru chirped.

"I'm Kyoko," Kyoko smiled sweetly.

Furete took one look at their happy, sparkly auras and died a little inside.

_Furete bore this well because her father was still alive, and, as such, her stepmother could not exercise too much cruelty over her. But then one horrible morning she awoke to find that her father had passed away...._

...from **food poisoning.**

_Furete was understandably saddened by this event--_

"Feh, so the old man finally kicked the bucket? About time," Furete scoffed, giving the body a jab with her foot. A distinct "ow!" was heard.

_--even more so when her stepmother and stepsisters began treating her more cruelly than ever. They took away all her clothes and possessions, leaving her with nothing but rags, and ordered her to do all the chores in the house, even though they had enough money to hire a housekeeper._

"Furete, can you do the laundry?"

"Sorry, I'm allergic to soap."

"Oh, okay, I'll do it then!" The oblivious Kyoko walked away with the full basket in her arms.

"Furete, do you want to help me cook dinner?"

"No, your food is so delicious I'm afraid I'd ruin it if I helped."

"Hahi, really?! Then I'll do my best!" Haru danced off, leaving Furete to uncross her fingers and polish her weapons in peace.

_Years passed by and Fure__te grew more and more beautiful. She became so beautiful that birds came to her window and sang to wake her up every morning. _

"Midori tanabiku _namimori_ no dainaku shounaku nami--"

"SHUT UP." Furete took out her handgun and shot Hibird into pieces. Or so she thought. In reality Hibird flew away, because if Furete had actually killed Hibird a certain tonfa-wielding carnivore would probably come to bite her to death.

_However, this only incited jealousy and therefore more cruelty from her stepfamily. But despite this, Furete never blamed them for her suffering, for she also grew more and more kind._

Furete glared at Bianchi. "Damn you, you stupid woman. It's all your fault I'm stuck in a generic fairytale."

_--_

_Meanwhile, at the royal palace, King Xanxus had decided that he needed an heir. As the king was not married, he devised a clever way of finding a worthy heir among his young suboordinates, and in the end, selected a fighter by the name of **Belphegor.**_

"VOIIIII!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I LOST TO THIS ANNOYING BRAT!!"

"Uishishishishi~ of course the prince would win~ The prince is a prince."

Leviathan crouched in his gloom corner. "Why...? Am I not worthy enough to be your heir, Boss-sama...?"

"VOOOOII!! I DEMAND A REMATCH!!" Squalo jabbed his finger (GHASP) at Bel.

"Shishishi~ Bring it on. The prince will beat you at rock, paper, scissors anytime~"

_But according to the law, since Belphegor was not of royal blood, he could only become heir by finding an appropriate woman to be his future queen. In this way the royal bloodline would also be assured so that no such selections would have to occur again. Unfortunately for Xanxus and Bel, no woman had ever been interesting enough to capture Bel's attention for longer than the few seconds it took for him to kill her._

Bel shishishi'ed as he stood over the bloody corpse. Xanxus slapped his hand to his forehead with frustration. "Dammit, you fucking brat, will you just pick a fucking woman?!"

"She wasn't qualified to be this prince's princess~"

_And so, in desperation, Xanxus declared a ball for all the young ladies throughout the kingdom. Bel would also _(be forced to)_ attend, and he would pick his princess out of the women gathered._

--

_When Furete's stepfamily heard of this they were wildly excited--a chance to meet a prince! A chance to marry into the royal family!_

"Ooh, I wonder what the prince is like?" Haru sighed dreamily, picturing her ideal in her mind. Oddly enough, her ideal had gravity-defying brown hair and big eyes, just like a certain former prince who was supposed to be never mentioned again.

"Shut up," Furete shot a bullet and punctured Haru's dream bubble.

_Of course, Furete herself was also excited. She had fallen deeply in love with the prince she had never met._

"A prince? He sounds like a wuss."

_However, her stepfamily forbade her from going to the ball, and kept her busy by forcing her to make their gowns for the event._

"Furete, you can make our gowns."

"Hell no."

"Don't talk that way to your stepmother."

"I'll talk however way I want, old hag." Furete promptly walked away to the nearest boutique and threatened the dressmaker there until he fearfully agreed to make the gowns.

_On the night of the ball, the stepfamily left Furete all alone at home, expecting her to have finished all her chores by the time they were back. Furete was thoroughly saddened because she was unable to go, and resigned herself to--_

"Great. I'll use this time to polish my weapons."

_But then, all of a sudden..._

POOF!!

Furete coughed and waved away the smoke. "What the hell?!"

"Ohohohoho! Hello there, sweetheart!"

Furete's eye twitched. Hey, yours would too if a large, muscled _man_ in a dress and...sunglasses...? with a cone hat on suddenly appeared in front of you!

"I'm Lussuria, your fairy godmother, here to make _sure_ you get to the ball!"

Shouldn't that be god_father? _"I'm not going to the ball--"

"There's free food."

"..."

"Wonderful! Let's get started, shall we darling?"

_With the help of the fairy godmother's magic, Furete's rags were transformed into a beautiful dress, and her wooden clogs into glass slippers._

"The HELL?! I'm not wearing this!" Furete stared at her new garments with disgust. "And those stupid shoes will crack before I step into them!" Lussuria pouted.

"But you look so cute in them, honey!"

Furete's eye twitched again. Lussuria gave a sigh. "Well, if you insist..." He waved his wand and Furete stood in a T-shirt, a jacket, jeans, and combat boots.

"That's better."

_Then Lussuria turned a group of mice into horses and a coachman, and a huge pumpkin into a lovely carriage. Furete gave her thanks to her godmother and stepped into the carriage, which immediately began moving towards the palace._

"I am not stepping in that thing," Furete said in a flat voice. Lussuria giggled.

"I know, darling~ I'm just teasing you." He waved his wand and they both magically poofed in front of the palace. "Remember, dear, all the magic will be undone at midnight, so be sure to get home by then!"

"Don't worry, I'm just here for the food." Furete walked into the palace and Lussuria poofed away.

The guards stared, and decided not to mention what they just saw ever again. It was too disturbing.

_Upon reaching the palace, Furete was immediately awed by its splendor. As she stepped into the ballroom all the attendants whispered among themselves as to who the beautiful, mysterious woman could be._

"Omigosh, is that girl in _jeans?!_"

"Doesn't she know this is supposed to be a ball?!"

"Are those combat boots?!"

"What is she, a Yankee?!"

Furete gave the gossiping girls in the corner a single, bloodcurdling glare and they shut up.

_Meanwhile, Prince Bel and his friends were suitably bored. It was eleven o' clock and Bel had still not found a woman who suited his fancy--_

"VOIIIII!! PICK A DAMN GIRL ALREADY!!" Squalo bellowed in frustration.

"Shishishi~ none of them are suitable."

"Sempai, the King's not going to let us leave until you pick someone, so can't you just pick a random person?" Fran said in his normal flat tone.

Bel grinned at a group of ladies nearby, who then proceeded to faint at the sight of their prince's gorgeous smile. "But that would be so boring~"

"You can just kill her afterwards!" Squalo pointed out.

"Shishishi~ true~"

"I'm getting sick of watching all of these girls fall over you, sempai," Fran said. A pause. "...can I take this hat off now? People are staring at me."

"Shishishi, no, keep it on." Bel suddenly looked up. "...eh?"

_--until Furete caught his eye._

Squalo and Fran followed his line of sight. "Voi, what's with that girl? Is she wearing combat boots?" Squalo said, surprise evident in his tone.

"Maybe she didn't know this was supposed to be a ball," Fran drawled.

"Uishishishi~ she seems interesting. The prince will go talk to her~"

_Meanwhile, Furete was admiring the palace and the crowds of beautiful women around her. She had only ever seen the building from afar, and she had never seen such a large gathering of her peers._

"Huh, this food is actually pretty good," Furete stated with surprise, stabbing her fork into another slice of cake.

_Suddenly, a hand tapped her shoulder._

"Uishishishi~"

Furete jumped and whirled around, gun drawn. "Who the hell--" Her gaze fell on the blonde-haired boy in front of her. "...eh."

_It was love at first sight. (Nevermind that I stated earlier she was in love with the prince she had never met, this was the real thing!) The two engaged in polite conversation, with Furete becoming more and more enraptured as time went on._

"Shishishi~ weapons are not allowed in the palace~"

"Like I give a damn," Furete slipped her gun back into its holster and returned to her cake. "If you'll excuse me, I'm busy at the moment."

"The prince does not like being ignored~"

"'The prince' can go suck his balls for all I--" Furete froze. "Wait. The prince?"

Bel shishishi'ed as she stared at him. Then again, the tiara should have been a pretty obvious clue. "You're the prince?"

"Yes~"

"..." Furete's eye twitched. "So I was right, you _are_ a wuss."

Bel's grin faded a little. "The prince feels insulted~"

"Deal with it." Furete turned around and took a bite out of her cake.

"The prince could have you arrested for treason~"

"The prince could try. Go woo one of the girls over there, can't you see I'm trying to eat?"

"Shishishi~"

_Finally, Bel asked Furete to dance. She immediately agreed._

"Would the princess like to dance?"

Furete raised an eyebrow. "With _you?_"

"Shishishi yes~"

"No way in hell. Besides, I don't dance."

"Yes~"

"No."

"Yes~"

"No."

"Yes~"

"No."

"Yes~"

"No, now shut up before I shoot you." Furete pointed her gun at him warningly. Bel's grin grew dangerous.

"Shishishi~ a threat?" With a flick of his wrist, a dagger appeared in his hand. A look of surprise appeared on Furete's face before it was wiped away by a smirk.

"So you weren't just a wuss after all."

"Of course not, Furretto~"

"...the hell?"

"Furretto."

"...not a ferret, you stupid weasel." ....just when had she told him her name?

"Mink, ferret."

"Weasel."

"Ferret."

"Weasel."

"Ferret."

_AHEM. AS I SAID, Furete **IMMEDIATELY AGREED**._

"....fine," Furete said grudgingly. Bel shishishi'ed as they stepped onto the dance floor together.

_THANK YOU. Now, continuing.... the two of them danced on, and it seemed to Furete that they could have done so forever, for by this time she was completely enamoured by Prince Bel._

"You stepped on my foot, weasel."

"Mink, ferret. And the prince does not step on people's feet while dancing~"

"Like hell you don't, weasel. Not a ferret."

"Ferret."

"Weasel."

"Ferret."

"Weasel."

"Screw this, I'm going back to the refreshment stands." And so Furete broke away from the dance to return to the free food waiting for her. Bel followed her.

_Unfortunately, this caused Furete to completely forget about her godmother's warning about midnight. In a flash it returned, and just in time--the bell began to ring. Furete gasped and tore away from the prince's arms to run as fast as she could towards her carriage, although both Bel and her heart cried for her to stop._

BONG!! BONG!!

"Oh, good, I can finally leave," Furete commented before stealing a last bite of food. Then she left.

_However, in her hurry Furete left behind one of her glass slippers on the steps. She dared not stop for it for fear that she would change and the prince would see her in her rags. The prince picked it up after she left and vowed to find the mysterious maiden he had fallen in love with._

"Shishishi~" Bel grinned as he watched her leave, hiding the gun he had slipped from its holster behind his back.

--

_That night, Furete's stepsisters returned home happily._

"Did you see the prince?" Haru asked Kyoko.

"Um, yes...he looked a little strange," Kyoko admitted.

"Yeah, I thought so too."

_You have no idea,_ Furete mentally rolled her eyes as she pretended to sleep.

"Oh, and what about that one girl?! Did you see her?!"

"The one everyone was talking about?"

"Yeah! They said she was wearing _jeans_ and _combat boots!_ How weird is that?"

Furete twitched.

--

_The next day, the prince issued a proclamation throughout the land: he would visit household to household, searching for the lady who had danced with him and left her glass slipper behind._

"Voi, I don't think it'll be that hard. How many girls do you know who would use a gun willingly?" Squalo scoffed.

"Shishishi~"

_And so the search began. However, as it continued on, the prince began to despair, for the slipper fit none of the women he came across._

"EEK!! Is--is that a _gun?!_" the girl shrieked, backing away.

"Shishishi~ so it's not her," Bel commented. "Then she's useless~"

The girl screamed as he flicked his wrist and knives appeared from nowhere.

_Meanwhile, Furete had been doing her chores as usual when she heard her stepsisters discussing the search. As soon as she did she was ecstatic, for the prince remembered her from the night before and returned her love!_

"WHAT THE HELL?!!" Furete yelped, searching frantically through her things. "My gun's gone!!"

"Hey, did you hear?!" Haru's voice carried over to her from a few rooms away. "The prince fell in love, but he doesn't know who the girl was, so he's searching for her using a gun she left behind!"

"That's so romantic."

"I know desu~!"

Furete's eye twitched. That stupid weasel actually stole her gun?! She would kill him as soon as she got her hands on some explosives!

...moreover, there was something seriously wrong with her stepsisters.

_Finally, the prince reached the household of Furete. The stepsisters tried on the slipper, but it fit neither of them._

"Sorry, it's not ours," Kyoko said politely.

"Shishishi~ Then the prince thinks you need to go~" Bel's eyes and knives glinted.

_However, just as the prince was about to leave, Furete appeared and asked to try on the slipper. The stepfamily scoffed at her, but the prince, who was also kind, allowed her to try it anyway. And as soon as her foot slipped smoothly in, he knew he had found his beloved._

"The hell do you think you're doing, you stupid weasel?!" Furete demanded, stomping down the stairs and wrenching the gun away from Bel's hands. "And what the hell was with taking my gun?!"

"Uh....Furete-chan?" Haru squeaked. She had just called the PRINCE a weasel! She was going to die!

"Uishishishi~ the prince wanted to see you again~"

"Like hell you did. You just wanted to annoy me, didn't you?"

"Well, yes~"

"I knew it. Alright, the gun's mine, you can crawl back to your stupid hole now." She glared at him as if daring him to disobey.

"Shishishi~ it's not that simple princess~"

The page next to him coughed. "Ano, the prince proclaimed that whoever the gun belonged to would become his bride."

Silence.

"...THE HELL?!!!"

Bel shishishi'ed. Furete fumed.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! LIKE I'M GOING TO MARRY SOMETHING LIKE HIM!!" She jabbed a finger at the prince, whose grin widened.

"You have no choice princess~"

"DON'T CALL ME PRINCESS!"

"Shishishi~ ferret?"

"Not a ferret, you damn weasel."

"Ferret."

"Weasel."

"Ferret."

"Weasel."

The page coughed again. "Um, we must return to the royal palace--"

"LIKE HELL I WILL!!"

"Shishishi~"

_And so Prince Bel took Furete, now a princess, back to the palace with him._

"...dammit," Furete muttered. Lussuria had appeared and magically poofed her to the palace, despite her loud protests.

_The two were soon married--_

"I'M NOT MARRYING THAT WEASEL!!"

"Shishishi~"

_--and lived happily ever after._

"...fuck you."

"I would love you to~"

"You sick weasel."

"Mink, ferret."

"Weasel."

"Ferret."

"Weasel."

**_~T H E . E N D~_**

**_

* * *

_**

**FAIL. And complete and utter crack. Hope you liked that, Akatsukikandafangirl. *sweatdrop* For anyone who doesn't know, Furete is AKF's OC from her oneshot "Unconventional Means."**

**REVIIIIIIEEEEEWWWW.**


End file.
